ClueLess
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood bond over another board game. Warning: You may never see Clue in the same way again!


**I don't own X-Men Evolution characters or the game 'Clue'. Okay? Well let's get on with it.**

**Clue-Less**

"You got the game Pietro?" Lance asked.

"Yup!" Pietro set up the game on the table in record time. "Okay let's play Clue!" 

"I wanna be Mr. Green!" Todd spoke up.

"Surprise, surprise," Lance rolled his eyes. "I get Professor Plum."

"I wanna be Colonel Mustard!" Fred smiled. 

"Mrs. Peacock for me!" Tabitha said. 

"Then that makes me General Silver," Pietro said.

"Wait a minute," Todd piped up. "There ain't no General Silver!"

"Yeah," Fred said.

"Well I'm making him up since the only characters left are Miss Scarlet and Mrs. White and I'm not gonna be any girl character!" Pietro sniffed. 

"You can't do that!" Lance said.

"Why not?" Pietro snapped. 

"Because the point of the game is to figure out which one of us knocked off the dead guy that's why!" Todd said exasperated.

"So?" Pietro said. 

"So if there ain't no General Silver then he couldn't have possibly committed the crime!" Todd snapped.

"Yeah it's not fair that we have to remain suspects while you're in the clear!" Fred snapped. 

"Well tough!" Pietro stuck his tongue out. "It's my game and I can play it however I want. If I wanna make up a new character I'll make up a new character!" 

"Well if that's the way you wanna play it two can play this game!" Todd snapped. "I'm gonna change to Lord Toad! Ha!" 

"You can't do that!" Lance snapped.

"Why not? He's doing it!" Todd pointed at Pietro.

"Well if you two are going to do that so am I!" Fred snapped. "Now I'm Colonel Fred!" 

"Well forget Mrs. Peacock I'm going to be Queen Tabitha!" Tabitha snapped.

"Fine!" Lance snapped. " If that's the way you want to play I'm President Alvers! Now can someone deal the cards already?" 

"Now how does this game go again?" Fred asked.

"Simple," Pietro explained. "There are three sets of cards. Who the murderer is, what weapon he/she used and where in the house. We take one from each and hide them in this little envelope here. Then we mix up the cards and pass them out like this." He passed out the cards at super speed. "Then we take turns moving around and try to figure out who did it, where and with what."

"With what what?" Fred asked.

"What weapon!" Pietro snapped.

"What weapon?" Fred said. "I don't know what weapon was used."

"Nobody knows what weapon was used!" Pietro snapped. "That's the point of the game!"

"I thought the point of the game was to figure out who did it?" Todd asked.

"That too!" Pietro snapped. "You have to figure out who did it, where and with what weapon correctly!" 

"Who did what?" Fred asked.

"WHO KILLED MR. BODDY!" Pietro shouted.

"Who's Mr. Boddy?" Tabitha asked.

"The dead guy!" Pietro snapped. "The guy that was killed!"

"And we have to find out who did it and where and with what kind of weapon?" Todd asked.

"YES!" Pietro groaned.

"Hey don't get mad at us! This is a hard game you know," Fred scratched his head.

"No surprise Fred this game involves thinking," Lance snickered. "Not exactly your strong suit." 

"Hey!" Fred glared. 

"Why was Mr. Boddy killed anyway?" Tabitha asked.

"What?" Lance looked at her.

"I mean do we have to find out why he was killed?" Tabitha asked. 

"No that's not important," Pietro said.

"Well it's important to the dead guy!" Tabitha snapped. "Not to mention the person who killed him. I mean did they just bump him off for no good reason?" 

"Yes now let's start the game!" Pietro groaned.

"Wait a minute," Tabitha said. "I for one would like to know why this guy was killed off. If we have a motive, we have a murderer."

"Tabby forget about it," Pietro sighed. 

"Hold on Pietro Tabby's got a point there," Lance said. "I never really thought about it before but motive is important."

"Yeah!" Todd and Fred said.

"Fine you want a motive?" Pietro said exasperated. "I'll give you a motive. Mr. Boddy was killed for his fortune. There, are you happy? I'll start!" He rolled the dice. "Five! One two three four five! Okay I'm going into the conservatory! Your turn Blob!" 

"Wait a minute," Fred asked. "Are all these people in the will?"

"What?" Pietro asked. 

"The will," Fred said. "If they're all in the dead guy's will then maybe they all did it!"

"Hey he's got a point!" Todd said. "Maybe they all were all in on this!"

"Yeah maybe they all took out shotguns and blew him away!" Fred said. "KAPOW!" 

"There are no shotguns in Clue!" Pietro said. "Just a pistol!"

"What about an Uzi?" Todd asked. 

"No!" Pietro snapped. 

"Lazers!" Todd said again.

"No!" Pietro snapped.

"Poison!" Tabitha said. "They could have poisoned him!" 

"Yeah that could work!" Fred said.

"No! No! No!" Pietro snapped. "There is only the knife, the rope, the gun, the pipe, the wrench and the candlestick!" 

"_Candlestick?" _Todd said incredulously. "You're kidding me. How do you kill someone with a stupid candle?" 

"By setting them on fire dummy!" Lance snapped.

"No!" Pietro snapped. "By hitting him over the head with it."

"Are you sure?" Tabitha asked. "That doesn't seem right." 

"Yes if you have one of those really heavy ones made of brass or something," Pietro sighed. 

"Who has a brass candlestick?" Tabitha asked. "Most people have those glass things or ceramic thing. That's gotta be wrong." 

"No it's right, will you go please Fred?" Pietro said.

"But where would you get a brass candlestick?" Tabitha asked. 

"Rich people have them," Lance said.

"If they're rich how come they can't afford a flashlight yo?" Todd asked. 

"They buy them to show how rich they are now will you guys just please get on with the game?" Pietro groaned. 

"Maybe it's an electric candlestick and it was dropped in the bathtub?" Todd asked.

"There is no such thing as an electric candlestick and there isn't even any bathroom in the mansion let alone a bathtub!" Pietro snapped. 

"What kind of mansion doesn't have a bathroom?" Todd asked. "Where do they go? An outhouse or something?"

"That was pretty stupid of the people who made this game," Fred remarked. 

"Yeah I think I read somewhere that a certain percentage of the deadliest accidents happen in the bathroom," Tabitha said.

"You're right," Lance said. "They could have made this game much more interesting if they did have a bathroom. They could have drowned the guy in the tub or killed him with a razor or…"

"Well there is no bathroom okay?" Pietro snapped. "Now will you guys just get on with it!" 

"Oh all right," Fred rolled the dice. "Three. Okay I wanna go to the garage. What direction is it in on the board?" 

"Freddy there is no garage," Lance said.

"Well then where did they get the wrench from?" Fred asked. 

"What?" Pietro looked at him.

"If there's no garage where did the murderer find a wrench?" Fred asked. "I mean who brings a wrench along to kill a guy? What did he do? Hide it in his coat pocket? Or a rope or pipe for that matter? Those are things you find in a garage, not inside a fancy mansion. So how can the guy possibly be killed with those items if they weren't there to begin with?"

"Oh brother," Pietro put his head in his hands. 

"If it was a woman she could hide those things in her purse," Tabitha suggested. 

"Okay maybe but what woman hides a wrench in her purse?" Todd asked. "A rope I can see but a pipe or a wrench is too greasy."

"You have a point," Tabitha said. "Maybe they wrapped a cloth around it and…"

"Maybe you should just get on with the game!" Pietro snapped, exasperated. "I can't believe you idiots! This is just a simple guessing game not the Mystery Writers convention!" 

"I told you we should have played Candyland," Fred said. "No complicated rules. Just cute little gumdrop figures running around on the board."

"For once Blob I am starting to agree with you," Lance sighed. 

"What are you doing?" Principal Kelly came up to them.

"Playing a board game what does it look like?" Tabitha snapped.

"NOT IN THE LIBRARY!" Kelly screamed.

"Well there's no one else here," Tabitha folded her arms. "It's not like we're bothering anyone." 

"Yeah so chill out and join us," Todd said.

"The library is supposed to be a place for studying!" Kelly snapped.

"Well then how do you explain all those romance books over on that shelf over there?" Lance asked. 

"You four are breaking library rules!" Kelly snapped.

"We ain't the only ones," Todd said. "You're not supposed to be screaming. That's a violation of the rules." 

"Here comes another migraine," Kelly groaned. 

"Hey Kelly you know stuff, let me ask you something," Tabitha said. "Is it really possible to kill someone with a candlestick?" 

"Why on earth would you ask a question like that?" Kelly snapped. 

"Because I don't know the answer!" Tabitha made a face. "Duh! I say it's impossible."

"It is not impossible because candlesticks are really heavy!" Pietro snapped. 

"Well how heavy are we talking about?" Tabitha asked. She picked up a textbook. "I mean heavier than this or what?" 

"Terrific," Kelly closed his eyes and shook his head. "I knew it was only a matter of time before these lunatics were discussing ways on how to kill people." 

Tabitha stood up. She held the book up and pretended to bash someone on the head with the book. "So what you just hit someone like this?"

"Miss Smith that is not…" Kelly turned around and Tabitha accidentally conked him in the head with the book. "Ow…" He fell to the ground unconscious.

"Oops," Tabitha gulped. "Well I guess you were right Speedy." 

"Is he dead?" Todd asked.

"No but we will be if we don't get out of here," Lance gathered his things. The rest of the Brotherhood followed suit. 

As they started to leave they bumped into Scott and Rogue. "What the heck happened to Principal Kelly?" Scott yelped. 

"It was Tabitha with an Algebra book in the Library," Fred told him. 


End file.
